Xy Preschool Teacher is a blog for fellow preschool teachers or parents of preschool children. These are articles I have written to inspire and encourage fellow kindergarten teachers. Whether you need some kindergarten resources or guides to parenting, I wrote this blog through my personal experience or research. I also sell preschool printables on Etsy for parents and educators that include special needs resources or classroom management tools. Let's get your child ready for back to school!
Behaviour guidance isn’t about
control; it is about connection and skill-building.
Parents struggle with being too firm or too lenient on
their children, or that the children refuse to listen, but discipline is not
behavioural correction but guiding the child to understand how to manoeuvre in
the world with the right values, and it fosters mutual respect between child
and parent while allowing children to have intrinsic motivation to do right,
with problem-solving skills and a sense of security (W, 2025). After disciplining
a child, the parent and child should grow closer together while the child gains
new skills.
Rewards and punishment are traditional methods of teaching
that are deeply ingrained in society’s collective mindset, but children need
discipline instead for guidance and direction, as punishment causes children to
remember the consequences more than their actions, leading to lies, and if
children feel they are bad, then the more they will do bad things (Taprell, 2020). Children can become
resentful of adults or ashamed of their actions, which will not produce desirable
behaviour. A child should be allowed to feel confident and safe, and not be
afraid of punishment for wrong behaviour.
The role of punishment is to decrease behaviour, whereby
positive punishment is to give an adverse consequence, and negative punishment
is to take away something good (Tan Meng Yin, 2020). Two examples would
be removing a child’s play time because he hit his brother, or scolding the
child for touching a hot oven. Sometimes, due to safety concerns, a punishment
can be necessary, but it is not a long-term solution compared to discipline.
Discipline is about adults understanding children, offering
logical consequences to teach children about responsibility, and fostering
parent-child relationships (Taprell, 2020). Adults are crucial
in guiding children correctly, while teaching responsibility along with the
skills. Children can also learn from their actions about what consequences can
occur. If a child were to damage a toy due to anger, the consequence is that the
toy must be thrown away or repaired.
By having positive expectations from the start, teachers
can empower children to have skills to prevent behavioural or school troubles,
as children do not lack motivation but skills for success, and also external
rewards like token systems may not work because intrinsic motivation for
success can decrease or cause children to learn that if they do not do well, it
means they are not trying (Parrish, 2025). Teachers may tend
to fall into a spiral of negativity due to past experiences, but they should
always think of the best in children. Also, while there is nothing
fundamentally wrong with reward charts, the main focus should always be on
helping children to be self-motivated when doing good.
Therefore, these are the solutions for guiding children’s
behaviour. Teachers can be more empathetic and understanding, to understand
their issues, offer a listening ear to their troubles, and work together with
them to create solutions (Parrish, 2025).
References
Parrish, N. (21 August, 2025). A Collaborative
Approach to Skill Building Helps Address Challenging Behavior. Edutopia.
Retrieved from
https://www.edutopia.org/article/addressing-challenging-behavior-school-skill-building/
Tan Meng Yin, E. (2020). SPE105 Management of behaviour in
special education (study guide). Singapore: Singapore University of Social
Sciences.
Taprell, K. (13 August, 2020). Why Punishment Doesn't Work
and What Does. The Therapist Parent. Retrieved from
https://www.thetherapistparent.com/post/why-punishment-doesn-t-work-and-what-does
W, L. (28 April, 2025). What Effective Discipline Really
Looks Like: What If Discipline Wasn’t About Control But Connection. Utah
State University. Retrieved from
https://extension.usu.edu/strongermarriage/blog/discipline-strategies-that-work-how-to-build-respect-responsibility-and-resilience-in-your-child
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Many behavioural issues can be resolved even before they
start, and that comes from an understanding of child development. Teachers and
parents can implement these strategies to help manage their children’s behaviour.
In this article, the following effective methods will be described: setting up
the physical environment, maintaining a consistent routine, setting clear
expectations, and guiding children through transitions.
Firstly, challenging behaviour can be managed by changing
the classroom environment, and because open spaces encourage children to run so
furniture can be used to break up space while still being functional, or work
spaces can be adjusted so children’s backs are facing the wall to allow for teacher
facilitation, and lastly allow for independence by having schedules and other
work materials in the work space (Autism Classroom Resources, 2026). The Reggio Emilia
approach believes that the learning environment is the third teacher, and thus,
teachers can save much time and effort just by spending some thought into their
classrooms.
Secondly, routines are also vital to classroom management,
as it helps children feel safe and confident to learn, for them to understand
consistency in the daily schedule, which helps in emotional regulation,
independence, and task concentration, while reducing negative behaviour (Leapfrogs, 2025). Children need to know
what to expect after every activity in school. Teachers and adults should never
make random changes throughout the day to confuse them, though if changes are
needed, always communicate with the children. This applies not just to special needs
but to every child.
Thirdly, when adults have clear expectations, children can
avoid confusion and anxiety, so they know about the boundaries, and adults can
do so by being specific, using positive language, staying consistent with
consequences, allowing the child to set expectations, segmenting the task, and
using lists or charts (Dynamics Therapy Group, 2024). If something is not
allowed, it should not be allowed, regardless of the situation. However, phrase
expectations with a positive tone, such as saying, “We love our teachers and
friends, so we will use kind language to each other.”
Fourthly, children struggle with transitions, especially when
everything is new, be it the environment or routines, so transitions may become
triggers for negative reactions, because children lack the understanding of
time and thus will need predictability to guide them, and teachers can use
auditory stimuli like a bell or visual schedule, and even fun activities like
singing songs to ease children through every activity of the day (Brightwheel, 2025). Even adults sometimes
struggle with going from one activity to another, so children should be given
the time and space to understand and not be rushed through everything.
Therefore, these are the strategies to help guide children’s
behaviour. Above all, consistency is key to guiding children’s behaviour and
with nurturing adults in the learning environment, the likelihood of negative
behaviours occurring should be kept at a minimum.
Autism Classroom Resources. (2026). 3 Ways to
Adjust the Physical Space to Prevent Challenging Behavior. Retrieved from
Autism Classroom Resources:
https://autismclassroomresources.com/3-ways-to-adjust-physical-space-to/
Brightwheel. (31 March, 2025). 7 Fun and Engaging
Transition Activities for Preschoolers. Brightwheel. Retrieved from
https://mybrightwheel.com/blog/7-fun-and-engaging-transition-activities-for-preschoolers
Dynamics Therapy Group. (September, 2024). The Power of
Clear Expectations in Parenting. Dynamics Therapy Group. Retrieved
from https://www.dynamics.com.sg/edm/newsletter/2024/sep/index.html
Leapfrogs. (2025). How to Help Your Children Thrive by
Establishing a Predictable Routine? Retrieved from Leapfrogs:
https://www.leap-frogs.com/how-to-help-your-children-thrive-by-establishing-a-predictable-routine/
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Stay in a preschool for more than a few hours, and one can
observe a child getting injured by a peer or hear loud cries of agony. Then
(hopefully), you will see a concerned adult immediately running towards the aid
of the injured child and then being firm on the perpetrator. Welcome to a
normal day in kindergarten.
In this article, some observable factors as to why a child displays
violent behaviours will be discussed, then some other underlying reasons are
also stated, and finally, suggestions for parents or teachers to deal with these
situations will be provided.
To kick things off, here are three reasons why violent behaviour
is happening: The environment, the inability to speak, and imitation.
The environment affects the types of aggression children
show, particularly biting, and adults need to see beyond the behaviour to
understand the reason behind it, usually caused by an unfamiliar environment
with challenges, as children attempt to interact with each other (Piazzaroli &
Fiamenghi-Jr, 2018). A child might get frustrated at a
peer’s action, or he might be struggling on his first day of school. If the
root issue is not resolved, aggression will definitely happen again.
From the moment they are born until they are almost four
years old, children will display reactions based on whether they like or
dislike an environment, because they use fewer words and more gestures,
possibly violent ones, to get what they want, such as owning a space, having a
toy, or getting an adult’s attention (Piazzaroli &
Fiamenghi-Jr, 2018). While adults should teach children to
use language to get what they want, before they can use words, adults should be
vigilant and observant in the classroom. They have to understand triggers
before they happen and set up a learning environment that ensures such
incidents will not occur, such as providing plenty of learning materials.
Children will repeat behaviour in school based on what they
learned at home, but the most crucial aspect is that adults mediating during
conflicts can help children understand that there are other ways to respond,
particularly in providing situations for children to learn how to respond (Piazzaroli &
Fiamenghi-Jr, 2018). Teachers and parents can create false
situations and get children to problem-solve, to pre-empt them on positive or
negative behaviours before they occur. Similarly, they can also learn
appropriate responses to prevent other peers from hurting them.
Although there are also some underlying reasons that
aggression occurs more frequently, this proves that children are not as simple
as adults may think they are.
Children with mood disorders, such as bipolar disorder, can
be very aggressive on one hand or only aggressive when triggered, while
children with psychotic illnesses like schizophrenia are triggered by internal
reasons because of fear and display violence towards others (Silva, 2025). These mood
disorders can cause a child to switch in emotions, and they have consistent
emotions and thoughts that are difficult to handle, which need early medical
attention to improve their life in the future (Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, 2026).
Even children with cognition or communication problems will
lash out when they are unable to communicate their needs and emotions, whereas
for impulsivity like Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), these
children are not aware of their actions and may hurt others unknowingly, and
for those with conduct disorder are deliberately hurting others and require
certain treatments (Silva, 2025). Both ADHD and Oppositional
Defiant Disorder (ODD) are mental disorders that can cause a child to display
violence more often, and they need therapy to help cope with these symptoms.
Injury and trauma are also reasons for aggression, because
when the frontal lobe is damaged or when a child has epilepsy, aggression can
occur at any time, whereas trauma occurs when a child recalls stressors in the
situation, and they need help if aggression persists (Silva, 2025). Compared to mental
disorders, a physical injury or traumatic event is more obvious in
understanding how or why a child reacts in a certain manner.
Lastly, here are some suggestions on how to deal with a
child who displays violent behaviour.
Discipline is not punishment, but punishment is just a form
of discipline, and there are five steps teachers can respond to bad behaviour:
Firstly, teachers have to understand their influence on behaviour, secondly,
teachers need to be assertive, thirdly, teachers need a discipline plan with
written rules and consequences, fourthly, teachers help children to reach the
plan, and fifthly, teachers guide children on appropriate behaviour (Martella, Nelson,
Marchand-Martella, & O'Reilly, 2012). It is often said
that prevention is better than cure, and while not every behaviour can be
analysed as discussed above, it is wise for teachers to have a clear
understanding of child behaviour and to pre-empt incidents from happening.
If an incident were to happen, the goal is to ensure it
does not happen again, by understanding the root of the issue because when a
child is angry they are no longer thinking, so a timeout will not work but may
encourage the behaviour to reoccur, so an adult should help the child to
regulate emotions as he displays aggression because he is hurting, then when
the child is calm the adult can use reasoning to explain other alternatives
than hitting someone (Markham, 2013). During the heat of
the moment, an adult may feel it is necessary to punish the child who hurt
someone; moreover, it is the adult’s responsibility in that setting.
However, the wrong actions could lead to a spiral of negative behaviour.
Therefore, these are the possible reasons for aggression to
occur in young children, and there are some steps an educator or parent can
take.
References
Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. (2026). Mood
Disorders in Children and Adolescents. Retrieved from Children's Hospital
of Philadelphia:
https://www.chop.edu/conditions-diseases/mood-disorders-children-and-adolescents
Markham, L. (10 June, 2013). When Your Child Hits Your
Other Child. Retrieved from Psychology Today:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/peaceful-parents-happy-kids/201306/when-your-child-hits-your-other-child
Martella, R. C., Nelson, J. R., Marchand-Martella, N. E.,
& O'Reilly, M. (2012). Comprehensive behavior management:
Individualized, classroom, and schoolwide approaches. Los Angeles: Sage.
Piazzaroli, R. F., & Fiamenghi-Jr, G. A. (2018). Why Do
Children Bite Each Other? American Journal of Social Sciences and
Humanities, 3(1), 48-54. doi:10.20448/801.31.48.54
Silva, R. (30 January, 2025). What Are Some of the
Causes of Aggression in Children? Retrieved from Child Mind Institute:
https://childmind.org/article/aggression-in-children-causes/
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Sometimes it is not what an
adult says but how they say something that matters. The more an adult wants to
stop a child’s tantrum, the more the tantrum could escalate even further, and
so it is important to understand what not to do (Hershberg, 2024).
Firstly, here are the things
adults should do when faced with a child having the biggest tantrum, namely,
positive language and positive reinforcement.
Positive language is a great
discipline strategy, and adults showcase warmth and care towards students when
they use it directly, allowing children to learn actively and stay engaged,
while also communicating rules and boundaries clearly, and reinforcing existing
positive behaviours (Responsive Classroom, 2024). A parent can commend
on a child being neat or doing his homework promptly without reminders. This
can reinforce a desirable behaviour.
Reinforcement is about reinforcing
a behaviour through giving or removing something, so positive reinforcement is
to add rewards or praise to encourage a child to repeat a desired behaviour,
and teachers should focus on the positive to motivate children, so they know
that doing well is rewarding, rather than knowing the negative effects of
misbehaviour (Martella, Nelson,
Marchand-Martella, & O'Reilly, 2012). What someone
focuses on will indeed grow, so rather than feel frustrated over the negative
behaviour, it is better and easier to celebrate the positive.
Praise is a common positive
reinforcement technique, and it can increase a child’s intrinsic motivation,
helping the child to gain a sense of competence (Sutherland, Wehby, &
Copeland, 2016).
Praise has to be specific, helping the child to understand exactly what he or
she is being praised for.
Secondly, here are the things adults
should never do, namely, focusing only on the negative and undermining a child.
When teachers focus only on
negative behaviours, they reinforce such disruptive behaviours (Mundschenk, Miner, &
Nastally, 2011).
In every school, there is a teacher who seems to be angry or fierce all the
time, and these teachers are both feared and revered by adults and children
alike. However, how often do their techniques work? To children, bad attention
is better than no attention, and thus, even if they can behave at their best
when disciplinary teachers are around, difficult children quickly go back to
their normal states when they are gone.
It is easy to undermine a child’s reactions to trivialise
their emotions, but adults should respond to tantrums seriously and honestly to
teach them that even difficult emotions are part of life and learn to cope with
them (Hershberg, 2024). Adults have
countless years of experience, and just like how it is unreasonable to expect a
newbie at the job to learn everything quickly, children need the time to grow
and develop, to understand themselves and others.
Therefore, whether it is teachers or parents, the spiral
towards deep resentment and disappointment is easy to fall into when it comes
to taking care of young children. Sometimes it is better to take a step back,
try to see the child’s positive side and emphasise it through positive reinforcement,
understand the child is still learning, and will someday display the appropriate
behaviour with the proper guidance.
References
Hershberg, R. S. (15 August, 2024). What NOT to
Do When Your Child Is Having a Tantrum: Tips on responding to difficult
toddler behavior. Retrieved from Child Mind Institute:
https://childmind.org/article/what-not-to-do-when-your-child-is-having-a-tantrum/
Martella, R. C., Nelson, J. R., Marchand-Martella, N. E.,
& O'Reilly, M. (2012). Comprehensive behavior management:
Individualized, classroom, and schoolwide approaches. Los Angeles: Sage.
Mundschenk, N. A., Miner, C. A., & Nastally, B. L.
(2011). Effective Classroom Management: An Air Traffic Control Analogy. Intervention
in School and Clinic, 47(2), 98-103.
doi:https://doi.org/10.1177/1053451211414190
Responsive Classroom. (9 October, 2024). Want Positive
Behavior? Use Positive Language. Retrieved from Responsive Classroom:
https://www.responsiveclassroom.org/want-positive-behavior-use-positive-language/
Sutherland, K. S., Wehby, J. H., & Copeland, S. R. (13
September, 2016). Effect of Varying Rates of Behavior-Specific Praise on the
On-Task Behavior of Students with EBD. Journal of Emotional and Behavioral
Disorders, 8(1), 2-8. doi:https://doi.org/10.1177/106342660000800101
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What happens when a child is having a tantrum? An adult’s
actions could determine whether the child goes back to normal or continues
making a fuss in public.
Children and toddlers are not yet able to self-regulate, and
so adults need to be present to guide them, because the skill to calm
themselves down only starts after three years old (Briggs, 2024). It is common for
adults to feel frustrated when a child does not understand what they should be
doing. But, children are still developing and thus adults need to be realistic about
what they can or cannot do at the moment.
Adults need to have the skill to self-regulate and be a
role model so they can guide a child, so when a child displays tantrums, adults
stay calm and use techniques such as setting proper expectations, understanding
the child’s emotions, speaking less, teaching self-soothing, or even having a
break (Briggs, 2024). During a child’s
tantrums, it is tempting to reason about what he or she should or should not be
doing. But this can cause the child not to learn how to self-regulate.
The Arc of the Tantrum states five zones that a child goes
through during a tantrum: Normal, escalation, dysregulation zone, calming down,
and back to normal (Parenthood Understood, 2026). This is a useful
tool for teachers and parents to understand how to guide a child’s behaviour.
Sometimes the best method is to give the child some space when the child is
triggered.
A trigger typically leads a child from normal to escalation,
which starts the tantrum and when the tantrum reaches the peak, it is called
the dysregulation zone, and the child’s brain enters a “flight-fight-freeze”
state, though they will naturally calm down on their own and finally be back to
normal (Parenthood Understood, 2026). When a human feels
that they are in danger, the brain gives an automatic and primal response, be it
to fight, flee, or freeze, because the brain wants to protect them, though this
may be an overreaction because not every threat is life-threatening (Baker, 2008). It is therefore
important that adults understand that the child needs help. Allow the child to
calm down and reach a normal state, because the tantrum could escalate again,
then talk to him or her to guide their behaviour.
A great parenting tip is for parents to always begin with
consistent rules and consequences, as children need structure to manage their
behaviour, and rules can set boundaries, while consequences offer rewards and punishments
for the rules (Baker, 2008). If a mother shows
that rules can be broken simply because she is tired or wants to be nice, a
child will get confused as to the correct behaviour. If a behaviour is
unacceptable, it is unacceptable regardless of the situation.
But there are times when rewards and punishments fail to
work with a rowdy child, and sometimes adults need to let go of the concept of
whether the behaviour is intentional and instead focus on changing the triggers
or guide the child to deal with the triggers (Baker, 2008). If the child
refuses to do his homework, try to understand why. Did the child get laughed at
in school? Or does the child feel inadequate in dealing with failure? If so,
comfort him or her and do not scold for not doing the task.
Therefore, as teachers or parents, they have to be calm and
capable of self-regulation. Take the time to understand the child’s behaviour
and give space for the child to calm down before using reason. The child is
still learning about self-regulation and may not be intentional with the “bad
behaviour”. Lastly, adults should always ensure their rules are consistent.
References
Baker, J. (2008). No more meltdowns: Positive
strategies for dealing with and preventing out-of-control behavior.
United States of America: Future Horizons.
Briggs, R. D. (15 July, 2024). Adult Coregulation Leads to
Child Self-Regulation. Psychology Today. Retrieved from
https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/on-babies/202407/adult-coregulation-leads-to-child-self-regulation
Parenthood Understood. (2026). The Arc of the Tantrum –
Resources. Parenthood Understood. Retrieved from
https://parenthoodunderstood.com/blog/2018/09/17/the-arc-of-the-tantrum-resources/
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Your child is not giving you a hard time; they are having a
hard time.
Firstly, we need to understand what behaviour is, whether
it is positive or negative. Your child is trying to communicate with you, just
not in words that you would have liked. During your child’s seemingly endless
meltdowns and tantrums, look beyond the screaming or kicking, and try to
understand why this behaviour is happening. What emotions is your child going
through right now?
Emotional development is about emotions, responses, and communicating
through behaviours, and because children use behaviour to communicate, they
need adults to help them regulate their emotions by being affirmative and calm,
and sometimes adults need to change themselves before expecting children to
change (Children First, 2026). Children lack the
skills to tell you what they need and want, so as an adult, you are responsible
for deciphering their behaviours.
Secondly, we have to understand that children are still
developing. They are learning things that adults have themselves taken many
years to master, such as impulse control, language, and emotions. Admittedly,
there are moments in our lives when we do not have everything in control, what
more our young children? Parents and teachers can work together to guide
children.
Teachers have to understand their roles in behavioural
management, find out the reasons behind behaviours, understand that children
are still developing, learning is complicated, but most importantly, to switch
mindsets from misbehaviour to mistaken behaviour, and to use a positive
approach (Gartrell, 1995). Traditional methods
of teaching state that teachers are the ones teaching children and children are
the ones learning, but contemporary approaches towards early childhood education
disagree.
Traditional discipline uses punishment when children face
difficult problems, which leads to reducing children’s self-esteem and negative
emotions, whereas guidance provides positive alternatives for children to learn
problem-solving in socially acceptable manners (Gartrell, 1995). The teacher has to
guide the child positively on appropriate behaviour, never to punish because it
will lead to dire consequences.
Thirdly, there is also the idea of mistaken behaviour. Children’s
behaviour has any of these four reasons behind it: seeking attention, seeking power,
seeking revenge, and showing incompetence, and they all aim to have social acceptance
(Gartrell, 1995). At the end of the
day, if the basic needs of a child are met, the negative behaviour should stop.
If a parent were to shout at a child in a public place, it is inevitable that
the child throws a tantrum and makes a big scene.
There are also three levels of mistaken behaviour:
Strong-needs is at level three, socially influenced is at level two, and
experimentation is at level one. Strong-needs refers to the most serious stage
because the child, when he or she has psychological or physical pain and
displays certain behaviours in a safe environment, and as for socially influenced,
which is about the child learning from peers or adults in terms of actions or speech,
and experimentation is when a child is still learning about the world around him
or her by engaging with it (Gartrell, 1995). It is up to the
discretion of the teacher to understand that the first two levels are merely
imitation or exploration, and such behaviours can be guided. But the third
level means a deeper level of understanding is required.
The role of the teacher is to set boundaries through
leadership, and when teachers punish misbehaviour, hoping to bring positive
change, it actually creates negative emotions within children, as they believe
they are bad and hence their behaviour will display such thoughts (Gartrell, 1995). Being a parent or
preschool teacher is never easy, and more often than not, they may lose their
patience during behavioural management. However, it is important that during
such moments, adults are still nurturing and positive towards the young
children in order to guide them appropriately.
References
Children First. (2026). Children's behaviour and
feelings: Emotional development in children. Retrieved from Children
First:
https://www.childrenfirst.org.uk/get-support/advice-for-families/guidance-advice/articles/behaviour-and-feelings/
Gartrell, D. (1995). Misbehavior or Mistaken Behavior? NAEYC,
50(5), 27-34. Retrieved from https://www.jstor.org/stable/42727062
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Being a parent involves juggling many balls at once, and
none of these balls can hit the ground. In the United States, there is an
increase of working mothers driven by politics and economic pressures, with a
75% of mothers with preschool children, and there is feedback that what
benefits them most is paid parental leave and flexible work arrangements, and studies
have shown that married mothers with children are the happiest demographic
within women, and lastly mothers gain most help from family than other communities
(Wang & Erickson, 2025). It takes a village
to raise a child, and also to support the parents. But being a mother is what provides
women with joy and satisfaction.
As a toddler develops into a preschooler, he or she will experience
physical, cognitive, and language changes, which include brain development,
fine and gross motor skills (Santrock, 2019). It is fascinating
to see how quickly an infant can grow and develop into a young child, and into
a teenager, and eventually an adult. Parents often comment that time flies when
they take care of their children.
It is never easy to raise a child, and school teachers feel
the same way. A child goes to school, but there are different approaches, such
as the Reggio Emilia or the Montessori Approach (Santrock, 2019). Parents will have
to be prudent and wise in choosing the correct school. The school that is
chosen will be determined by many factors, such as finances or expectations. Some
schools are more academically-driven, more play-based, or that teach values and
cultures.
Regardless, being a parent is a joyful and rewarding
experience, and they bring so much joy not just to parents but to teachers.
References
Santrock, J. W. (2019). Life-Span Development:
Seventeenth Edition. New York: McGraw-Hill Education.
Wang, W., & Erickson, J. (November, 2025). More Married
Mothers of Young Children Are Working Full Time. Institute for Family
Studies. Retrieved from
https://ifstudies.org/report-brief/more-married-mothers-of-young-children-are-working-full-time
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