Xy Preschool Teacher is a blog for fellow preschool teachers or parents of preschool children. These are articles I have written to inspire and encourage fellow kindergarten teachers. Whether you need some kindergarten resources or guides to parenting, I wrote this blog through my personal experience or research. I also sell preschool printables on Etsy for parents and educators that include special needs resources or classroom management tools. Let's get your child ready for back to school!
Infants' physical, cognitive, and socioemotional milestones.
Approximately 370,000 babies
are born in the world every day, with about 9,800 just from the United States (Bradley, 2025). Parents and
teachers alike can attest to the rapid growth and development of infants into
young children, and in this article, infants’ development will be analysed
according to physical, cognitive, and socioemotional milestones.
Physical development of infants
Firstly, here is how an infant
develops physically.
Infants’ heads are larger than
their bodies, and they have necks too weak to hold up their heads, but within
12 months, they start to learn to sit, stand, stoop, climb, and even walk, and
in the second year, growth will decelerate, but they start to run or climb (Santrock, 2019). During this crucial
period, infants should be handled with extreme care. There have been cases
where adults other than then mothers would shake the baby, leading to
irreversible consequences to the infant’s development.
Infants sleep most of the
time, can lie on their stomachs to raise their head and chest at 3 months, become
more vocal and mobile at 6 months, can sit with proper balance at 9 months, and
can walk with some help or by themselves at 12 months (SingHealth Group, 2025). Infants also
develop with a cephalocaudal pattern, where growth starts from the top, the
head, and slowly moves downwards, so the eyes and brain grow faster than the
jaw, and growth does not occur in a smooth path, but it is episodic (Santrock, 2019). It is clear that
within the span of a year, an infant grows very quickly, and so the legs are
usually the last body parts to develop.
Cognitive development of infants
Secondly, the cognitive
development of infants will be discussed.
Infants develop gross and fine
motor skills along with their nervous systems, so they should have reflexes
that may stay for life or disappear after a few months, and Piaget describes
cognitive development where children construct their cognitive worlds using
schemes to organise knowledge, which are mental representations of concepts,
and infant development is balancing sensorial input with motoric activity (Santrock, 2019). When infants are 18
months old, they can stack blocks to form towers (SingHealth Group, 2025). Motor skills
develop together with infants’ cognitive abilities, so adults should provide
rich learning resources that promote the usage of fine and gross motor skills.
Socioemotional development of infants
Thirdly, infants also have
socioemotional development.
Infants use emotions as their
first form of communication as they form bonds with their parents, with crying
being the most important characteristic, to communicate anger, pain, or basic
needs, and experts agree that within the first year, an adult should respond
immediately whenever an infant cries, as they are in Erikson’s first stage of
trust versus mistrust (Santrock, 2019). Thus, it is
pertinent that an infant receives nurture and care during this crucial period,
as they develop attachment and learn to have trust in adults, which will help
their psychosocial development in early childhood.
Therefore, these are the
milestones that an infant should reach at certain points in their development.
Fortunately, in our modern age, there are medical professionals available to
diagnose and treat any conditions should an infant fail to reach certain milestones.
Moreover, in Singapore, every infant born will receive a health booklet that
contains essential information and keeps track of every stage of development,
including height, weight, developmental milestones, and immunisation records (Ministry of Health
Singapore, 2026).
References
Bradley, S. (29 September, 2025). How Many Babies
Are Born a Day? The Bump. Retrieved from
https://www.thebump.com/a/how-many-babies-are-born-a-day
Ministry of Health Singapore. (2026). Child Health
Booklet. Retrieved from Health Hub:
https://www.healthhub.sg/programmes/parent-hub/child-health-booklet
Santrock, J. W. (2019). Life-Span Development:
Seventeenth Edition. New York: McGraw-Hill Education.
SingHealth Group. (2025). Child Development Milestones:
From Newborn to 6 Years Old. Retrieved from HealthXchange:
https://www.healthxchange.sg/child-life-stages/child-development-milestones/child-development-milestones-newborn-six
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Living in a metropolitan city
has its perks: safety, a clean environment, and a higher wage. However, these
cities could cause unnecessary stress amongst the working-class folks. In this
article, a comparison will be made between two similar cities, Singapore and
Hong Kong. Singapore keeps its crown as the most expensive city in the world,
with Hong Kong not very far behind at third place (Fonacier, 2025). Similarities will
be discussed, followed by the key differences.
The role of academics
Reading proficiency in
preschool directly affects children’s reading skills in primary school, and so
both Singapore and Hong Kong preschool curricula focus on literacy, and rote
learning is often used in Hong Kong when it comes to Chinese characters (Li & Rao, 2005). Both countries are
similar in that they are academically driven and understand that a good
education guarantees better living conditions.
Declining birth rates
Kindergarten is not as packed
as the rest of Hong Kong, with its ever-declining birth rate, with 18
preschools closed and a further 30 more are closing, but some schools aim to
overcome this issue with quality programmes (Fong, 2025). Singapore’s birth
rate is one of the lowest in the world, with government schemes like the Large
Families scheme to encourage Singaporeans to have more babies, but even in
2024, the year of the Dragon, there was not an auspicious increase in babies
born, with couples either having babies later or not having them at all (Tan, 2025). Both Singapore and
Hong Kong may be facing an ageing population crisis in the near future if these
situations continue.
Admission into preschools
Hong Kong toddlers have to go
through screening processes, and parents have to fill in detailed forms, and
that is because their preschools are private businesses, and thus there is an
elitist mindset amongst these schools only to accept gifted children, and this
led to tuition centres for babies up to six months old (Fung, 2025). Whereas in
Singapore, children do not need to attend preschool, but parents typically do
when their child is three, and these schools are regulated by the Ministry of
Education (MOE) or the Early Childhood Development Agency (ECDA), and there are
government subsidies for certain schools (Families for Life, 2026). There is a more
difficult standard for preschools in Hong Kong than in Singapore.
Bilingualism: Is that important?
Singapore believes in teaching
pre-academic skills, and its main language is English, while the child’s mother
tongue is the second language, and teachers in Singapore believe bilingualism
is crucial in society (Li & Rao, 2005). In preschools, the
teachers speak to the classes in English. There are also plenty of activities
where children learn to practise their fine motor skills, to ensure they can
write later on.
On the other hand, the Hong
Kong government acknowledges that some schools use inappropriate teaching
strategies for academic skills, while parents teach both Cantonese and English,
which leads to poor execution of both, and Hong Kong teachers do not believe in
bilingualism. (Li & Rao, 2005). Hence, there is a
poorer standard when it comes to teaching language to children.
Thus, though both countries’
preschools share common similarities, there are also noticeable differences.
Singapore and Hong Kong are both expensive cities with high standards for
academics, and the cost of living is one key factor as to why there are ageing
populations with declining birth rates. However, Singapore triumphs over Hong
Kong because its preschools are easy to get into, and it believes in
bilingualism.
References
Families for Life. (2026). Preschool: How it
Works and Why It’s Good. Retrieved from Families for Life:
https://familiesforlife.sg/pages/fflparticle/Young-Children-How-Why
Fonacier, K. (22 July, 2025). What it means to live in
Singapore and Hong Kong—two of the most expensive cities in the world for
luxury living. Tatler. Retrieved from
https://www.tatlerasia.com/power-purpose/wealth/singapore-hong-kong-most-expensive-cities-julius-baer-2025
Fong, E. (7 January, 2025). Why international kindergartens
are bucking the wider trend of school closures in Hong Kong. South China
Morning Post. Retrieved from
https://www.scmp.com/special-reports/article/3293311/why-international-kindergartens-are-bucking-wider-trend-school-closures-hong-kong?module=perpetual_scroll_0&pgtype=article
Fung, M. (8 November, 2025). Think S’pore’s education
system is competitive? Try Hong Kong’s pre-school admissions interview. The
Straits Times. Retrieved from
https://www.straitstimes.com/asia/east-asia/babies-toddlers-have-to-ace-interviews-to-get-into-pre-school-in-hong-kong-how-do-parents-cope
Li, H., & Rao, N. (2005). Curricular and instructional
influences on early literacy attainment: evidence from Beijing, Hong Kong and
Singapore. International Journal of Early Years Education(3), 235-253.
doi:https://doi.org/10.1080/09669760500295870
Tan, T. (19 January, 2025). S’pore sees no baby boom in
Year of the Dragon despite slight rise in births in 2024. The Straits
Times. Retrieved from
https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/community/spore-sees-no-baby-boom-in-year-of-the-dragon-despite-slight-rise-in-births-in-2024
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Behaviour guidance isn’t about
control; it is about connection and skill-building.
What is discipline?
Parents struggle with being too firm or too lenient on
their children, or that the children refuse to listen, but discipline is not
behavioural correction but guiding the child to understand how to manoeuvre in
the world with the right values, and it fosters mutual respect between child
and parent while allowing children to have intrinsic motivation to do right,
with problem-solving skills and a sense of security (W, 2025). After disciplining
a child, the parent and child should grow closer together while the child gains
new skills.
Rewards and punishment?
Rewards and punishment are traditional methods of teaching
that are deeply ingrained in society’s collective mindset, but children need
discipline instead for guidance and direction, as punishment causes children to
remember the consequences more than their actions, leading to lies, and if
children feel they are bad, then the more they will do bad things (Taprell, 2020). Children can become
resentful of adults or ashamed of their actions, which will not produce desirable
behaviour. A child should be allowed to feel confident and safe, and not be
afraid of punishment for wrong behaviour.
The role of punishment is to decrease behaviour, whereby
positive punishment is to give an adverse consequence, and negative punishment
is to take away something good (Tan Meng Yin, 2020). Two examples would
be removing a child’s play time because he hit his brother, or scolding the
child for touching a hot oven. Sometimes, due to safety concerns, a punishment
can be necessary, but it is not a long-term solution compared to discipline.
The role of adults
Discipline is about adults understanding children, offering
logical consequences to teach children about responsibility, and fostering
parent-child relationships (Taprell, 2020). Adults are crucial
in guiding children correctly, while teaching responsibility along with the
skills. Children can also learn from their actions about what consequences can
occur. If a child were to damage a toy due to anger, the consequence is that the
toy must be thrown away or repaired.
Positive expectations
By having positive expectations from the start, teachers
can empower children to have skills to prevent behavioural or school troubles,
as children do not lack motivation but skills for success, and also external
rewards like token systems may not work because intrinsic motivation for
success can decrease or cause children to learn that if they do not do well, it
means they are not trying (Parrish, 2025). Teachers may tend
to fall into a spiral of negativity due to past experiences, but they should
always think of the best in children. Also, while there is nothing
fundamentally wrong with reward charts, the main focus should always be on
helping children to be self-motivated when doing good.
Therefore, these are the solutions for guiding children’s
behaviour. Teachers can be more empathetic and understanding, to understand
their issues, offer a listening ear to their troubles, and work together with
them to create solutions (Parrish, 2025).
References
Parrish, N. (21 August, 2025). A Collaborative
Approach to Skill Building Helps Address Challenging Behavior. Edutopia.
Retrieved from
https://www.edutopia.org/article/addressing-challenging-behavior-school-skill-building/
Tan Meng Yin, E. (2020). SPE105 Management of behaviour in
special education (study guide). Singapore: Singapore University of Social
Sciences.
Taprell, K. (13 August, 2020). Why Punishment Doesn't Work
and What Does. The Therapist Parent. Retrieved from
https://www.thetherapistparent.com/post/why-punishment-doesn-t-work-and-what-does
W, L. (28 April, 2025). What Effective Discipline Really
Looks Like: What If Discipline Wasn’t About Control But Connection. Utah
State University. Retrieved from
https://extension.usu.edu/strongermarriage/blog/discipline-strategies-that-work-how-to-build-respect-responsibility-and-resilience-in-your-child
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Many behavioural issues can be resolved even before they
start, and that comes from an understanding of child development. Teachers and
parents can implement these strategies to help manage their children’s behaviour.
In this article, the following effective methods will be described: setting up
the physical environment, maintaining a consistent routine, setting clear
expectations, and guiding children through transitions.
Shaping the classroom environment
Firstly, challenging behaviour can be managed by changing
the classroom environment, and because open spaces encourage children to run so
furniture can be used to break up space while still being functional, or work
spaces can be adjusted so children’s backs are facing the wall to allow for teacher
facilitation, and lastly allow for independence by having schedules and other
work materials in the work space (Autism Classroom Resources, 2026). The Reggio Emilia
approach believes that the learning environment is the third teacher, and thus,
teachers can save much time and effort just by spending some thought into their
classrooms.
Have a consistent classroom routine
Secondly, routines are also vital to classroom management,
as it helps children feel safe and confident to learn, for them to understand
consistency in the daily schedule, which helps in emotional regulation,
independence, and task concentration, while reducing negative behaviour (Leapfrogs, 2025). Children need to know
what to expect after every activity in school. Teachers and adults should never
make random changes throughout the day to confuse them, though if changes are
needed, always communicate with the children. This applies not just to special needs
but to every child.
Set clear expectations
Thirdly, when adults have clear expectations, children can
avoid confusion and anxiety, so they know about the boundaries, and adults can
do so by being specific, using positive language, staying consistent with
consequences, allowing the child to set expectations, segmenting the task, and
using lists or charts (Dynamics Therapy Group, 2024). If something is not
allowed, it should not be allowed, regardless of the situation. However, phrase
expectations with a positive tone, such as saying, “We love our teachers and
friends, so we will use kind language to each other.”
Guiding children with transitions
Fourthly, children struggle with transitions, especially when
everything is new, be it the environment or routines, so transitions may become
triggers for negative reactions, because children lack the understanding of
time and thus will need predictability to guide them, and teachers can use
auditory stimuli like a bell or visual schedule, and even fun activities like
singing songs to ease children through every activity of the day (Brightwheel, 2025). Even adults sometimes
struggle with going from one activity to another, so children should be given
the time and space to understand and not be rushed through everything.
Therefore, these are the strategies to help guide children’s
behaviour. Above all, consistency is key to guiding children’s behaviour and
with nurturing adults in the learning environment, the likelihood of negative
behaviours occurring should be kept at a minimum.
Autism Classroom Resources. (2026). 3 Ways to
Adjust the Physical Space to Prevent Challenging Behavior. Retrieved from
Autism Classroom Resources:
https://autismclassroomresources.com/3-ways-to-adjust-physical-space-to/
Brightwheel. (31 March, 2025). 7 Fun and Engaging
Transition Activities for Preschoolers. Brightwheel. Retrieved from
https://mybrightwheel.com/blog/7-fun-and-engaging-transition-activities-for-preschoolers
Dynamics Therapy Group. (September, 2024). The Power of
Clear Expectations in Parenting. Dynamics Therapy Group. Retrieved
from https://www.dynamics.com.sg/edm/newsletter/2024/sep/index.html
Leapfrogs. (2025). How to Help Your Children Thrive by
Establishing a Predictable Routine? Retrieved from Leapfrogs:
https://www.leap-frogs.com/how-to-help-your-children-thrive-by-establishing-a-predictable-routine/
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Stay in a preschool for more than a few hours, and one can
observe a child getting injured by a peer or hear loud cries of agony. Then
(hopefully), you will see a concerned adult immediately running towards the aid
of the injured child and then being firm on the perpetrator. Welcome to a
normal day in kindergarten.
In this article, some observable factors as to why a child displays
violent behaviours will be discussed, then some other underlying reasons are
also stated, and finally, suggestions for parents or teachers to deal with these
situations will be provided.
To kick things off, here are three reasons why violent behaviour
is happening: The environment, the inability to speak, and imitation.
How does the environment affect aggression?
The environment affects the types of aggression children
show, particularly biting, and adults need to see beyond the behaviour to
understand the reason behind it, usually caused by an unfamiliar environment
with challenges, as children attempt to interact with each other (Piazzaroli &
Fiamenghi-Jr, 2018). A child might get frustrated at a
peer’s action, or he might be struggling on his first day of school. If the
root issue is not resolved, aggression will definitely happen again.
Children are still learning to speak
From the moment they are born until they are almost four
years old, children will display reactions based on whether they like or
dislike an environment, because they use fewer words and more gestures,
possibly violent ones, to get what they want, such as owning a space, having a
toy, or getting an adult’s attention (Piazzaroli &
Fiamenghi-Jr, 2018). While adults should teach children to
use language to get what they want, before they can use words, adults should be
vigilant and observant in the classroom. They have to understand triggers
before they happen and set up a learning environment that ensures such
incidents will not occur, such as providing plenty of learning materials.
Children will learn anything
Children will repeat behaviour in school based on what they
learned at home, but the most crucial aspect is that adults mediating during
conflicts can help children understand that there are other ways to respond,
particularly in providing situations for children to learn how to respond (Piazzaroli &
Fiamenghi-Jr, 2018). Teachers and parents can create false
situations and get children to problem-solve, to pre-empt them on positive or
negative behaviours before they occur. Similarly, they can also learn
appropriate responses to prevent other peers from hurting them.
Other reasons for aggression in young children
Although there are also some underlying reasons that
aggression occurs more frequently, this proves that children are not as simple
as adults may think they are.
Children with mood disorders, such as bipolar disorder, can
be very aggressive on one hand or only aggressive when triggered, while
children with psychotic illnesses like schizophrenia are triggered by internal
reasons because of fear and display violence towards others (Silva, 2025). These mood
disorders can cause a child to switch in emotions, and they have consistent
emotions and thoughts that are difficult to handle, which need early medical
attention to improve their life in the future (Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, 2026).
Even children with cognition or communication problems will
lash out when they are unable to communicate their needs and emotions, whereas
for impulsivity like Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), these
children are not aware of their actions and may hurt others unknowingly, and
for those with conduct disorder are deliberately hurting others and require
certain treatments (Silva, 2025). Both ADHD and Oppositional
Defiant Disorder (ODD) are mental disorders that can cause a child to display
violence more often, and they need therapy to help cope with these symptoms.
Injury and trauma are also reasons for aggression, because
when the frontal lobe is damaged or when a child has epilepsy, aggression can
occur at any time, whereas trauma occurs when a child recalls stressors in the
situation, and they need help if aggression persists (Silva, 2025). Compared to mental
disorders, a physical injury or traumatic event is more obvious in
understanding how or why a child reacts in a certain manner.
How to deal with aggressive behaviour?
Lastly, here are some suggestions on how to deal with a
child who displays violent behaviour.
Discipline is not punishment, but punishment is just a form
of discipline, and there are five steps teachers can respond to bad behaviour:
Firstly, teachers have to understand their influence on behaviour, secondly,
teachers need to be assertive, thirdly, teachers need a discipline plan with
written rules and consequences, fourthly, teachers help children to reach the
plan, and fifthly, teachers guide children on appropriate behaviour (Martella, Nelson,
Marchand-Martella, & O'Reilly, 2012). It is often said
that prevention is better than cure, and while not every behaviour can be
analysed as discussed above, it is wise for teachers to have a clear
understanding of child behaviour and to pre-empt incidents from happening.
If an incident were to happen, the goal is to ensure it
does not happen again, by understanding the root of the issue because when a
child is angry they are no longer thinking, so a timeout will not work but may
encourage the behaviour to reoccur, so an adult should help the child to
regulate emotions as he displays aggression because he is hurting, then when
the child is calm the adult can use reasoning to explain other alternatives
than hitting someone (Markham, 2013). During the heat of
the moment, an adult may feel it is necessary to punish the child who hurt
someone; moreover, it is the adult’s responsibility in that setting.
However, the wrong actions could lead to a spiral of negative behaviour.
Therefore, these are the possible reasons for aggression to
occur in young children, and there are some steps an educator or parent can
take.
References
Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. (2026). Mood
Disorders in Children and Adolescents. Retrieved from Children's Hospital
of Philadelphia:
https://www.chop.edu/conditions-diseases/mood-disorders-children-and-adolescents
Markham, L. (10 June, 2013). When Your Child Hits Your
Other Child. Retrieved from Psychology Today:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/peaceful-parents-happy-kids/201306/when-your-child-hits-your-other-child
Martella, R. C., Nelson, J. R., Marchand-Martella, N. E.,
& O'Reilly, M. (2012). Comprehensive behavior management:
Individualized, classroom, and schoolwide approaches. Los Angeles: Sage.
Piazzaroli, R. F., & Fiamenghi-Jr, G. A. (2018). Why Do
Children Bite Each Other? American Journal of Social Sciences and
Humanities, 3(1), 48-54. doi:10.20448/801.31.48.54
Silva, R. (30 January, 2025). What Are Some of the
Causes of Aggression in Children? Retrieved from Child Mind Institute:
https://childmind.org/article/aggression-in-children-causes/
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Sometimes it is not what an
adult says but how they say something that matters. The more an adult wants to
stop a child’s tantrum, the more the tantrum could escalate even further, and
so it is important to understand what not to do (Hershberg, 2024).
Firstly, here are the things
adults should do when faced with a child having the biggest tantrum, namely,
positive language and positive reinforcement.
Use positive language
Positive language is a great
discipline strategy, and adults showcase warmth and care towards students when
they use it directly, allowing children to learn actively and stay engaged,
while also communicating rules and boundaries clearly, and reinforcing existing
positive behaviours (Responsive Classroom, 2024). A parent can commend
on a child being neat or doing his homework promptly without reminders. This
can reinforce a desirable behaviour.
Use positive reinforcement
Reinforcement is about reinforcing
a behaviour through giving or removing something, so positive reinforcement is
to add rewards or praise to encourage a child to repeat a desired behaviour,
and teachers should focus on the positive to motivate children, so they know
that doing well is rewarding, rather than knowing the negative effects of
misbehaviour (Martella, Nelson,
Marchand-Martella, & O'Reilly, 2012). What someone
focuses on will indeed grow, so rather than feel frustrated over the negative
behaviour, it is better and easier to celebrate the positive.
Praise is a common positive
reinforcement technique, and it can increase a child’s intrinsic motivation,
helping the child to gain a sense of competence (Sutherland, Wehby, &
Copeland, 2016).
Praise has to be specific, helping the child to understand exactly what he or
she is being praised for.
Secondly, here are the things adults
should never do, namely, focusing only on the negative and undermining a child.
Never focus on the negative
When teachers focus only on
negative behaviours, they reinforce such disruptive behaviours (Mundschenk, Miner, &
Nastally, 2011).
In every school, there is a teacher who seems to be angry or fierce all the
time, and these teachers are both feared and revered by adults and children
alike. However, how often do their techniques work? To children, bad attention
is better than no attention, and thus, even if they can behave at their best
when disciplinary teachers are around, difficult children quickly go back to
their normal states when they are gone.
Never undermine a child
It is easy to undermine a child’s reactions to trivialise
their emotions, but adults should respond to tantrums seriously and honestly to
teach them that even difficult emotions are part of life and learn to cope with
them (Hershberg, 2024). Adults have
countless years of experience, and just like how it is unreasonable to expect a
newbie at the job to learn everything quickly, children need the time to grow
and develop, to understand themselves and others.
Therefore, whether it is teachers or parents, the spiral
towards deep resentment and disappointment is easy to fall into when it comes
to taking care of young children. Sometimes it is better to take a step back,
try to see the child’s positive side and emphasise it through positive reinforcement,
understand the child is still learning, and will someday display the appropriate
behaviour with the proper guidance.
References
Hershberg, R. S. (15 August, 2024). What NOT to
Do When Your Child Is Having a Tantrum: Tips on responding to difficult
toddler behavior. Retrieved from Child Mind Institute:
https://childmind.org/article/what-not-to-do-when-your-child-is-having-a-tantrum/
Martella, R. C., Nelson, J. R., Marchand-Martella, N. E.,
& O'Reilly, M. (2012). Comprehensive behavior management:
Individualized, classroom, and schoolwide approaches. Los Angeles: Sage.
Mundschenk, N. A., Miner, C. A., & Nastally, B. L.
(2011). Effective Classroom Management: An Air Traffic Control Analogy. Intervention
in School and Clinic, 47(2), 98-103.
doi:https://doi.org/10.1177/1053451211414190
Responsive Classroom. (9 October, 2024). Want Positive
Behavior? Use Positive Language. Retrieved from Responsive Classroom:
https://www.responsiveclassroom.org/want-positive-behavior-use-positive-language/
Sutherland, K. S., Wehby, J. H., & Copeland, S. R. (13
September, 2016). Effect of Varying Rates of Behavior-Specific Praise on the
On-Task Behavior of Students with EBD. Journal of Emotional and Behavioral
Disorders, 8(1), 2-8. doi:https://doi.org/10.1177/106342660000800101
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What happens when a child is having a tantrum? An adult’s
actions could determine whether the child goes back to normal or continues
making a fuss in public.
They need you
Children and toddlers are not yet able to self-regulate, and
so adults need to be present to guide them, because the skill to calm
themselves down only starts after three years old (Briggs, 2024). It is common for
adults to feel frustrated when a child does not understand what they should be
doing. But, children are still developing and thus adults need to be realistic about
what they can or cannot do at the moment.
You are the role model
Adults need to have the skill to self-regulate and be a
role model so they can guide a child, so when a child displays tantrums, adults
stay calm and use techniques such as setting proper expectations, understanding
the child’s emotions, speaking less, teaching self-soothing, or even having a
break (Briggs, 2024). During a child’s
tantrums, it is tempting to reason about what he or she should or should not be
doing. But this can cause the child not to learn how to self-regulate.
When the tantrum stops, reasoning starts
The Arc of the Tantrum states five zones that a child goes
through during a tantrum: Normal, escalation, dysregulation zone, calming down,
and back to normal (Parenthood Understood, 2026). This is a useful
tool for teachers and parents to understand how to guide a child’s behaviour.
Sometimes the best method is to give the child some space when the child is
triggered.
The brain's primal response
A trigger typically leads a child from normal to escalation,
which starts the tantrum and when the tantrum reaches the peak, it is called
the dysregulation zone, and the child’s brain enters a “flight-fight-freeze”
state, though they will naturally calm down on their own and finally be back to
normal (Parenthood Understood, 2026). When a human feels
that they are in danger, the brain gives an automatic and primal response, be it
to fight, flee, or freeze, because the brain wants to protect them, though this
may be an overreaction because not every threat is life-threatening (Baker, 2008). It is therefore
important that adults understand that the child needs help. Allow the child to
calm down and reach a normal state, because the tantrum could escalate again,
then talk to him or her to guide their behaviour.
Consistency is key
A great parenting tip is for parents to always begin with
consistent rules and consequences, as children need structure to manage their
behaviour, and rules can set boundaries, while consequences offer rewards and punishments
for the rules (Baker, 2008). If a mother shows
that rules can be broken simply because she is tired or wants to be nice, a
child will get confused as to the correct behaviour. If a behaviour is
unacceptable, it is unacceptable regardless of the situation.
Focus on the child
But there are times when rewards and punishments fail to
work with a rowdy child, and sometimes adults need to let go of the concept of
whether the behaviour is intentional and instead focus on changing the triggers
or guide the child to deal with the triggers (Baker, 2008). If the child
refuses to do his homework, try to understand why. Did the child get laughed at
in school? Or does the child feel inadequate in dealing with failure? If so,
comfort him or her and do not scold for not doing the task.
Therefore, as teachers or parents, they have to be calm and
capable of self-regulation. Take the time to understand the child’s behaviour
and give space for the child to calm down before using reason. The child is
still learning about self-regulation and may not be intentional with the “bad
behaviour”. Lastly, adults should always ensure their rules are consistent.
References
Baker, J. (2008). No more meltdowns: Positive
strategies for dealing with and preventing out-of-control behavior.
United States of America: Future Horizons.
Briggs, R. D. (15 July, 2024). Adult Coregulation Leads to
Child Self-Regulation. Psychology Today. Retrieved from
https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/on-babies/202407/adult-coregulation-leads-to-child-self-regulation
Parenthood Understood. (2026). The Arc of the Tantrum –
Resources. Parenthood Understood. Retrieved from
https://parenthoodunderstood.com/blog/2018/09/17/the-arc-of-the-tantrum-resources/
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