Punishment vs Discipline: What Actually Works

Punishment vs Discipline.

Behaviour guidance isn’t about control; it is about connection and skill-building.

What is discipline?

Parents struggle with being too firm or too lenient on their children, or that the children refuse to listen, but discipline is not behavioural correction but guiding the child to understand how to manoeuvre in the world with the right values, and it fosters mutual respect between child and parent while allowing children to have intrinsic motivation to do right, with problem-solving skills and a sense of security (W, 2025). After disciplining a child, the parent and child should grow closer together while the child gains new skills.

Rewards and punishment?

Rewards and punishment are traditional methods of teaching that are deeply ingrained in society’s collective mindset, but children need discipline instead for guidance and direction, as punishment causes children to remember the consequences more than their actions, leading to lies, and if children feel they are bad, then the more they will do bad things (Taprell, 2020). Children can become resentful of adults or ashamed of their actions, which will not produce desirable behaviour. A child should be allowed to feel confident and safe, and not be afraid of punishment for wrong behaviour.

The role of punishment is to decrease behaviour, whereby positive punishment is to give an adverse consequence, and negative punishment is to take away something good (Tan Meng Yin, 2020). Two examples would be removing a child’s play time because he hit his brother, or scolding the child for touching a hot oven. Sometimes, due to safety concerns, a punishment can be necessary, but it is not a long-term solution compared to discipline.

The role of adults

Discipline is about adults understanding children, offering logical consequences to teach children about responsibility, and fostering parent-child relationships (Taprell, 2020). Adults are crucial in guiding children correctly, while teaching responsibility along with the skills. Children can also learn from their actions about what consequences can occur. If a child were to damage a toy due to anger, the consequence is that the toy must be thrown away or repaired.

Positive expectations

By having positive expectations from the start, teachers can empower children to have skills to prevent behavioural or school troubles, as children do not lack motivation but skills for success, and also external rewards like token systems may not work because intrinsic motivation for success can decrease or cause children to learn that if they do not do well, it means they are not trying (Parrish, 2025). Teachers may tend to fall into a spiral of negativity due to past experiences, but they should always think of the best in children. Also, while there is nothing fundamentally wrong with reward charts, the main focus should always be on helping children to be self-motivated when doing good.

Therefore, these are the solutions for guiding children’s behaviour. Teachers can be more empathetic and understanding, to understand their issues, offer a listening ear to their troubles, and work together with them to create solutions (Parrish, 2025).

 

References

Parrish, N. (21 August, 2025). A Collaborative Approach to Skill Building Helps Address Challenging Behavior. Edutopia. Retrieved from https://www.edutopia.org/article/addressing-challenging-behavior-school-skill-building/

Tan Meng Yin, E. (2020). SPE105 Management of behaviour in special education (study guide). Singapore: Singapore University of Social Sciences.

Taprell, K. (13 August, 2020). Why Punishment Doesn't Work and What Does. The Therapist Parent. Retrieved from https://www.thetherapistparent.com/post/why-punishment-doesn-t-work-and-what-does

W, L. (28 April, 2025). What Effective Discipline Really Looks Like: What If Discipline Wasn’t About Control But Connection. Utah State University. Retrieved from https://extension.usu.edu/strongermarriage/blog/discipline-strategies-that-work-how-to-build-respect-responsibility-and-resilience-in-your-child

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The Brain Behind Big Emotions

The Brain Behind Big Emotions.

What happens when a child is having a tantrum? An adult’s actions could determine whether the child goes back to normal or continues making a fuss in public.

They need you

Children and toddlers are not yet able to self-regulate, and so adults need to be present to guide them, because the skill to calm themselves down only starts after three years old (Briggs, 2024). It is common for adults to feel frustrated when a child does not understand what they should be doing. But, children are still developing and thus adults need to be realistic about what they can or cannot do at the moment.

You are the role model

Adults need to have the skill to self-regulate and be a role model so they can guide a child, so when a child displays tantrums, adults stay calm and use techniques such as setting proper expectations, understanding the child’s emotions, speaking less, teaching self-soothing, or even having a break (Briggs, 2024). During a child’s tantrums, it is tempting to reason about what he or she should or should not be doing. But this can cause the child not to learn how to self-regulate.

When the tantrum stops, reasoning starts

The Arc of the Tantrum states five zones that a child goes through during a tantrum: Normal, escalation, dysregulation zone, calming down, and back to normal (Parenthood Understood, 2026). This is a useful tool for teachers and parents to understand how to guide a child’s behaviour. Sometimes the best method is to give the child some space when the child is triggered.

The brain's primal response

A trigger typically leads a child from normal to escalation, which starts the tantrum and when the tantrum reaches the peak, it is called the dysregulation zone, and the child’s brain enters a “flight-fight-freeze” state, though they will naturally calm down on their own and finally be back to normal (Parenthood Understood, 2026). When a human feels that they are in danger, the brain gives an automatic and primal response, be it to fight, flee, or freeze, because the brain wants to protect them, though this may be an overreaction because not every threat is life-threatening (Baker, 2008). It is therefore important that adults understand that the child needs help. Allow the child to calm down and reach a normal state, because the tantrum could escalate again, then talk to him or her to guide their behaviour.

Consistency is key

A great parenting tip is for parents to always begin with consistent rules and consequences, as children need structure to manage their behaviour, and rules can set boundaries, while consequences offer rewards and punishments for the rules (Baker, 2008). If a mother shows that rules can be broken simply because she is tired or wants to be nice, a child will get confused as to the correct behaviour. If a behaviour is unacceptable, it is unacceptable regardless of the situation.

Focus on the child

But there are times when rewards and punishments fail to work with a rowdy child, and sometimes adults need to let go of the concept of whether the behaviour is intentional and instead focus on changing the triggers or guide the child to deal with the triggers (Baker, 2008). If the child refuses to do his homework, try to understand why. Did the child get laughed at in school? Or does the child feel inadequate in dealing with failure? If so, comfort him or her and do not scold for not doing the task.

Therefore, as teachers or parents, they have to be calm and capable of self-regulation. Take the time to understand the child’s behaviour and give space for the child to calm down before using reason. The child is still learning about self-regulation and may not be intentional with the “bad behaviour”. Lastly, adults should always ensure their rules are consistent.

References

Baker, J. (2008). No more meltdowns: Positive strategies for dealing with and preventing out-of-control behavior. United States of America: Future Horizons.

Briggs, R. D. (15 July, 2024). Adult Coregulation Leads to Child Self-Regulation. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/on-babies/202407/adult-coregulation-leads-to-child-self-regulation

Parenthood Understood. (2026). The Arc of the Tantrum – Resources. Parenthood Understood. Retrieved from https://parenthoodunderstood.com/blog/2018/09/17/the-arc-of-the-tantrum-resources/

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Operant Conditioning

Operant conditioning.

What is operant conditioning?

Previously I talked about classical conditioning, so today’s article is about the other type of conditioning, operant conditioning. This is a very different theory, as it talks about how we feel motivated when there is a reward and discouraged when there is a punishment (Cherry, 2024). It is a simple concept, so I won’t dwell too much on it.

This theory is also applicable to wild animals. If there is food available at a farm, then the animals will gather in the same place regularly to forage, but if there is an electric fence surrounding the area, they will be deterred. Animals are smart.

Naturally, I use this in my workplace. I reward children with praise, or they get to do things that other peers do not, such as getting to help me with certain tasks. I ask children to sit down to quiet down when they get too rowdy or take away their privileges. We, as adults, also let our decisions be determined by rewards and punishments.

Of course, at some point, we need to have delayed gratification. For things like studying for the exam when you would rather play games, it can be tedious to know what is important. For folks who are more mature or self-motivated, they do not need a literal reward in front of them because they can look ahead.

References

Cherry, K. (2024, July 10). Operant Conditioning in Psychology. Retrieved from Verywell Mind: https://www.verywellmind.com/operant-conditioning-a2-2794863

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Positive Reinforcement

Positive reinforcement.

Positive or negative?

Firstly, when I say positive I mean adding on something, and negative means removing something. As part of behaviourism, behaviour is treated as the end factor when cognitive processes happen when external stimulus and internal response meet (Peel, 2005). 

Reinforcement: Positive or negative

A positive reinforcement is a reward, while a negative reinforcement is to prevent a bad consequence, while a positive punishment is to give a bad consequence and a negative punishment is to take away something good (Tan Meng Yin, 2020).

I will then give an example for each of the four concepts introduced. Positive reinforcement is like giving a child a sticker when he or she completes a task. You are giving the child something to hopefully encourage the behaviour to happen again. A negative reinforcement is like allowing a child to study fewer hours if he or she scores a certain grade. You are removing something to encourage the behaviour to happen.

Punishment: Positive or negative

Whereas a positive punishment is to scold a child for touching fire, to discourage the behaviour from happening again. You are adding something. A negative punishment is to take away a child’s time on the iPad because he or she got into a fight. You are removing something.

The best method is positive reinforcement, though a positive reinforcer needs to be slowly phased out. You shouldn’t be giving endless stickers to encourage a child to drink more water. Once the child acquires the behaviour or even before that, you should stop giving stickers.

Lastly, in my previous workplace, I used a token economy strategy and a reward chart. For every five ‘smiley faces’ a child gets, they may be redeemed for a reward. But for every three ‘sad faces’, a child’s privilege to play gets taken away. So positive reinforcement and negative punishment. I learned this strategy from a classmate who happens to have a child in Pathlight.

References

Peel, D. (2005). The significance of behavioural learning theory to the development of effective coaching practice. International Journal of Evidence Based Coaching and Mentoring, 3(1), 18-28. Retrieved from http://ijebcm.brookes.ac.uk/documents/vol03issue1-paper-02.pdf

Tan Meng Yin, E. (2020). SPE105 Management of behaviour in special education (study guide). Singapore: Singapore University of Social Sciences.

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6. Reconsidering the Role of the Teacher

A teacher teaching a small class of young children.

The last post of this 6-part series is from my SUSS ECH module, ECE102. For this last post, it is about the role of the teacher. The next series will be a 3-part series.

The 5 dispositions mentioned previously also apply to teachers. Curiosity, Persistence, Flexibility, Reflectiveness, Collaborativeness.

I must have intentionality in teaching. What I believe is important in education for young children is for them to develop social skills, for they to survive by themselves in the 21st century. There must come a point in someone’s life where they are faced with a crisis; how can they deal with it? I also believe that no matter how much experience or qualifications a teacher has, it is about how the teacher conducts the lesson. You might have the best materials in the world, but you are so boring. You might only have 1 marker, but you can engage your class. Children should remember you more than what you have used.

Educators follow the belief-goal-practice cycle of teaching. We go back to what we believe in, think of goals, and carry them out. Then we evaluate.

There is a journal article that talks about 12 characteristics of effective teachers. The following is quoted from the article. Characteristics are different from abilities. Being able to be organised is an ability. Most articles tend to be about Primary School teachers, so this article needed to be written, as the Early Childhood field is very different from higher learning. These are the 12 characteristics.

Passion: It has to carry you beyond thinking that children are cute or that the job is fun. It has to ignite you.

Perseverance: This is about fighting for issues or beliefs, to be an advocate for young children.
Willing to take risks: This can be tricky; it means fighting for something even if others say no.

Pragmatism: It refers to being able to know which battles don’t have to be won, and that small wins are better. Compromise is sometimes necessary.

Patience: In dealing with children, adults, colleagues, or the system. Frustrations will no doubt come when what you believe in does not align with what the Singapore system has to offer.

Flexibility: This is also tricky. While change is the only constant, change must be given at a comfortable pace. It is unreasonable to assume teachers should adapt just because they must be “flexible”.

Respect: Respecting people from all backgrounds, Singapore does this well. Teachers have to ensure the learning environment caters for that.

Creativity: This is vital in helping teachers to make use of whatever resources or space available, to ensure the diverse group of children are learning, and also to make learning fun.

Authenticity: It is about being true to yourself. Children are sensitive to this. I find some teachers unable to connect with children because they hide behind a façade of “professionalism”. They do not bring their true self, full of weaknesses, to the children. After all, we are still human.

Love of learning: Seeking out knowledge, to inspire children to want to learn more. Some people think they have “made it”, that they don’t have to pursue any further studies or listen to anybody teaching them.

High energy: This job takes a lot out of me, but it is worth it. When I give them high energy, they will respond equally. They will be eager to learn, even to do mundane work tasks.

Sense of humour: Interesting that this is not an ability but a characteristic. Anyone can have this. We have to learn to laugh at ourselves; that shows great character. Learning can also be made fun when the lesson is humorous.

Going back to what MOE requires.
Perseverance
Reflectiveness
Appreciation
Inventiveness
Sense of wonder & curiosity
Engagement

The 6 learning domains are Aesthetics & Creative Expression, Discovery of the World, Language & Literacy, Motor Skills Development, Numeracy, Social & Emotional Development.
As a teacher, I should continue to think about the 5 dispositions.

References
Chen, D. (2020). ECE102 Children as thinkers and meaning makers (study guide). Singapore: Singapore University of Social Sciences.

Colker, L. J. (2008). Twelve characteristics of highly effective early childhood teachers. Young Children, 68-73.

Stone-MacDonald, A., Wendell, K., Douglass, A., & Love, M. L. (2015). Engaging Young Engineers- Teaching Problem-Solving Skills Through STEM. Baltimore, Maryland: Paul H. Brookes Publishing Co.

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