Punishment vs Discipline: What Actually Works

Punishment vs Discipline.

Behaviour guidance isn’t about control; it is about connection and skill-building.

Parents struggle with being too firm or too lenient on their children, or that the children refuse to listen, but discipline is not behavioural correction but guiding the child to understand how to manoeuvre in the world with the right values, and it fosters mutual respect between child and parent while allowing children to have intrinsic motivation to do right, with problem-solving skills and a sense of security (W, 2025). After disciplining a child, the parent and child should grow closer together while the child gains new skills.

Rewards and punishment are traditional methods of teaching that are deeply ingrained in society’s collective mindset, but children need discipline instead for guidance and direction, as punishment causes children to remember the consequences more than their actions, leading to lies, and if children feel they are bad, then the more they will do bad things (Taprell, 2020). Children can become resentful of adults or ashamed of their actions, which will not produce desirable behaviour. A child should be allowed to feel confident and safe, and not be afraid of punishment for wrong behaviour.

The role of punishment is to decrease behaviour, whereby positive punishment is to give an adverse consequence, and negative punishment is to take away something good (Tan Meng Yin, 2020). Two examples would be removing a child’s play time because he hit his brother, or scolding the child for touching a hot oven. Sometimes, due to safety concerns, a punishment can be necessary, but it is not a long-term solution compared to discipline.

Discipline is about adults understanding children, offering logical consequences to teach children about responsibility, and fostering parent-child relationships (Taprell, 2020). Adults are crucial in guiding children correctly, while teaching responsibility along with the skills. Children can also learn from their actions about what consequences can occur. If a child were to damage a toy due to anger, the consequence is that the toy must be thrown away or repaired.

By having positive expectations from the start, teachers can empower children to have skills to prevent behavioural or school troubles, as children do not lack motivation but skills for success, and also external rewards like token systems may not work because intrinsic motivation for success can decrease or cause children to learn that if they do not do well, it means they are not trying (Parrish, 2025). Teachers may tend to fall into a spiral of negativity due to past experiences, but they should always think of the best in children. Also, while there is nothing fundamentally wrong with reward charts, the main focus should always be on helping children to be self-motivated when doing good.

Therefore, these are the solutions for guiding children’s behaviour. Teachers can be more empathetic and understanding, to understand their issues, offer a listening ear to their troubles, and work together with them to create solutions (Parrish, 2025).

 

References

Parrish, N. (21 August, 2025). A Collaborative Approach to Skill Building Helps Address Challenging Behavior. Edutopia. Retrieved from https://www.edutopia.org/article/addressing-challenging-behavior-school-skill-building/

Tan Meng Yin, E. (2020). SPE105 Management of behaviour in special education (study guide). Singapore: Singapore University of Social Sciences.

Taprell, K. (13 August, 2020). Why Punishment Doesn't Work and What Does. The Therapist Parent. Retrieved from https://www.thetherapistparent.com/post/why-punishment-doesn-t-work-and-what-does

W, L. (28 April, 2025). What Effective Discipline Really Looks Like: What If Discipline Wasn’t About Control But Connection. Utah State University. Retrieved from https://extension.usu.edu/strongermarriage/blog/discipline-strategies-that-work-how-to-build-respect-responsibility-and-resilience-in-your-child

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