What to Say (and Not Say) During Challenging Behaviour

Positive and negative reinforcement.

Sometimes it is not what an adult says but how they say something that matters. The more an adult wants to stop a child’s tantrum, the more the tantrum could escalate even further, and so it is important to understand what not to do (Hershberg, 2024).

Firstly, here are the things adults should do when faced with a child having the biggest tantrum, namely, positive language and positive reinforcement.

Positive language is a great discipline strategy, and adults showcase warmth and care towards students when they use it directly, allowing children to learn actively and stay engaged, while also communicating rules and boundaries clearly, and reinforcing existing positive behaviours (Responsive Classroom, 2024). A parent can commend on a child being neat or doing his homework promptly without reminders. This can reinforce a desirable behaviour.

Reinforcement is about reinforcing a behaviour through giving or removing something, so positive reinforcement is to add rewards or praise to encourage a child to repeat a desired behaviour, and teachers should focus on the positive to motivate children, so they know that doing well is rewarding, rather than knowing the negative effects of misbehaviour (Martella, Nelson, Marchand-Martella, & O'Reilly, 2012). What someone focuses on will indeed grow, so rather than feel frustrated over the negative behaviour, it is better and easier to celebrate the positive.

Praise is a common positive reinforcement technique, and it can increase a child’s intrinsic motivation, helping the child to gain a sense of competence (Sutherland, Wehby, & Copeland, 2016). Praise has to be specific, helping the child to understand exactly what he or she is being praised for.

Secondly, here are the things adults should never do, namely, focusing only on the negative and undermining a child.

When teachers focus only on negative behaviours, they reinforce such disruptive behaviours (Mundschenk, Miner, & Nastally, 2011). In every school, there is a teacher who seems to be angry or fierce all the time, and these teachers are both feared and revered by adults and children alike. However, how often do their techniques work? To children, bad attention is better than no attention, and thus, even if they can behave at their best when disciplinary teachers are around, difficult children quickly go back to their normal states when they are gone.

It is easy to undermine a child’s reactions to trivialise their emotions, but adults should respond to tantrums seriously and honestly to teach them that even difficult emotions are part of life and learn to cope with them (Hershberg, 2024). Adults have countless years of experience, and just like how it is unreasonable to expect a newbie at the job to learn everything quickly, children need the time to grow and develop, to understand themselves and others.

Therefore, whether it is teachers or parents, the spiral towards deep resentment and disappointment is easy to fall into when it comes to taking care of young children. Sometimes it is better to take a step back, try to see the child’s positive side and emphasise it through positive reinforcement, understand the child is still learning, and will someday display the appropriate behaviour with the proper guidance.

References

Hershberg, R. S. (15 August, 2024). What NOT to Do When Your Child Is Having a Tantrum: Tips on responding to difficult toddler behavior. Retrieved from Child Mind Institute: https://childmind.org/article/what-not-to-do-when-your-child-is-having-a-tantrum/

Martella, R. C., Nelson, J. R., Marchand-Martella, N. E., & O'Reilly, M. (2012). Comprehensive behavior management: Individualized, classroom, and schoolwide approaches. Los Angeles: Sage.

Mundschenk, N. A., Miner, C. A., & Nastally, B. L. (2011). Effective Classroom Management: An Air Traffic Control Analogy. Intervention in School and Clinic, 47(2), 98-103. doi:https://doi.org/10.1177/1053451211414190

Responsive Classroom. (9 October, 2024). Want Positive Behavior? Use Positive Language. Retrieved from Responsive Classroom: https://www.responsiveclassroom.org/want-positive-behavior-use-positive-language/

Sutherland, K. S., Wehby, J. H., & Copeland, S. R. (13 September, 2016). Effect of Varying Rates of Behavior-Specific Praise on the On-Task Behavior of Students with EBD. Journal of Emotional and Behavioral Disorders, 8(1), 2-8. doi:https://doi.org/10.1177/106342660000800101

 

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