Why Young Children “Misbehave”

Why Young Children “Misbehave”

Your child is not giving you a hard time; they are having a hard time.

Firstly, we need to understand what behaviour is, whether it is positive or negative. Your child is trying to communicate with you, just not in words that you would have liked. During your child’s seemingly endless meltdowns and tantrums, look beyond the screaming or kicking, and try to understand why this behaviour is happening. What emotions is your child going through right now?

Emotional development is about emotions, responses, and communicating through behaviours, and because children use behaviour to communicate, they need adults to help them regulate their emotions by being affirmative and calm, and sometimes adults need to change themselves before expecting children to change (Children First, 2026). Children lack the skills to tell you what they need and want, so as an adult, you are responsible for deciphering their behaviours.

Secondly, we have to understand that children are still developing. They are learning things that adults have themselves taken many years to master, such as impulse control, language, and emotions. Admittedly, there are moments in our lives when we do not have everything in control, what more our young children? Parents and teachers can work together to guide children.

Teachers have to understand their roles in behavioural management, find out the reasons behind behaviours, understand that children are still developing, learning is complicated, but most importantly, to switch mindsets from misbehaviour to mistaken behaviour, and to use a positive approach (Gartrell, 1995). Traditional methods of teaching state that teachers are the ones teaching children and children are the ones learning, but contemporary approaches towards early childhood education disagree.

Traditional discipline uses punishment when children face difficult problems, which leads to reducing children’s self-esteem and negative emotions, whereas guidance provides positive alternatives for children to learn problem-solving in socially acceptable manners (Gartrell, 1995). The teacher has to guide the child positively on appropriate behaviour, never to punish because it will lead to dire consequences.

Thirdly, there is also the idea of mistaken behaviour. Children’s behaviour has any of these four reasons behind it: seeking attention, seeking power, seeking revenge, and showing incompetence, and they all aim to have social acceptance (Gartrell, 1995). At the end of the day, if the basic needs of a child are met, the negative behaviour should stop. If a parent were to shout at a child in a public place, it is inevitable that the child throws a tantrum and makes a big scene.

There are also three levels of mistaken behaviour: Strong-needs is at level three, socially influenced is at level two, and experimentation is at level one. Strong-needs refers to the most serious stage because the child, when he or she has psychological or physical pain and displays certain behaviours in a safe environment, and as for socially influenced, which is about the child learning from peers or adults in terms of actions or speech, and experimentation is when a child is still learning about the world around him or her by engaging with it (Gartrell, 1995). It is up to the discretion of the teacher to understand that the first two levels are merely imitation or exploration, and such behaviours can be guided. But the third level means a deeper level of understanding is required.

The role of the teacher is to set boundaries through leadership, and when teachers punish misbehaviour, hoping to bring positive change, it actually creates negative emotions within children, as they believe they are bad and hence their behaviour will display such thoughts (Gartrell, 1995). Being a parent or preschool teacher is never easy, and more often than not, they may lose their patience during behavioural management. However, it is important that during such moments, adults are still nurturing and positive towards the young children in order to guide them appropriately.

 

References

Children First. (2026). Children's behaviour and feelings: Emotional development in children. Retrieved from Children First: https://www.childrenfirst.org.uk/get-support/advice-for-families/guidance-advice/articles/behaviour-and-feelings/

Gartrell, D. (1995). Misbehavior or Mistaken Behavior? NAEYC, 50(5), 27-34. Retrieved from https://www.jstor.org/stable/42727062

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